Acceptance—who cares?

The topic of the meeting was acceptance.

The first person to share was known for his brevity. He announced his name in the usual fashion, paused and said, “acceptance is saying, ‘who cares,’ thanks, that’s all from me.”

The AA brothers and sisters who followed expanded on this theme. They voiced their agreement with the idea that an uncaring shrug of indifference was acceptance. One commented that there was great wisdom in knowing what to overlook; saying ‘who cares’ was one way of overlooking something. Another pointed out that acceptance meant he felt neutral, and when he felt neutral, he had reached a point of ‘who cares.’

After several shares along these lines, we came to one of the more interesting members of the group.

He started, “my experience includes accepting things by shrugging them off, ignoring them and saying, ‘who cares.’

“But, my experience also includes a second form of acceptance.

“The second form of acceptance is as important as the first. Rather than ignoring it, shrugging it off and becoming indifferent by saying, ‘who cares,’ I do the opposite. I increase my awareness and sensitivity to it, whatever it is. Instead of saying, ‘who cares,’ I sometimes find myself saying, ‘I care.’

“This second acceptance does not dismiss or shrug the thing off. It is an awareness of the thing, a clear and honest recognition of the thing.

“For example, when I sobered up, I accepted the fact that I had a drinking problem. But it was not a ‘who cares’ acceptance; it was an ‘I care’ acceptance.

“For the first time in my life, I focused on the problem with clarity and honesty, accepting that I was powerless over alcohol. I did not shrug and ignore my drinking, saying, ‘who cares;’ I had been doing that for years. Instead, I said, ‘I care;’ I paid attention to my drinking for the first time and did something about it. I came to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

“In my experience, there are two modalities of acceptance, and both are important.”

Reflecting on this after the meeting, I accepted the complexity of accepting.