Cutting Strings: The Power of Letting Go

An AA brother shared at a meeting: “My favourite emotion is impending doom. This comes from the black cloud over my head. It is tied by a string, and I hold onto the string with my hand. It brings the threat of storms and blocks any sunlight (of the spirit).

“If it starts to drift away, I pull it back in. It makes me feel alive and gives me something to think about. It helps me focus on myself and my problems. It gives me value and purpose. The familiar feeling of impending doom feels like an old shoe, comfortable and well-worn. I have come to like it.

“And I attracted people who had their own black cloud. I remember drinking with them and crying in our beer about politics, the harms of religions, unreasonable bosses and the general state of the world.

“But when I came to AA meetings, I was with a new group of guys; no one wanted to talk about these things or talk in this negative way. I realized that my new friends in AA did not bring their black clouds into the meeting.

“Wanting to fit in, I left my cloud outside the meetings, tethered to the bumper of my car. Then, I would pick it up again and take it home. As time passed, I left it at home. With less attention, the cloud weakened and dissipated. Then, one day, without conscious thought, I cut the string, and it drifted away.

“Life is better now, and without my black cloud, the world is brighter, and I can see more clearly the people who are still holding the string to their black clouds. And I have learned to avoid them if I can.

“And best of all, I have free use of my hand.”