Forgiveness and Step 8

In Step 8 of our Program, we must become willing to make amends to people we have harmed.

First, we must become willing to make the amend.

Sometimes it is easy to become willing. The other side might not have harmed us; the blame was ours, or the issue is trivial. In these situations, forgiveness is a lubricant allowing us to become willing.

But sometimes, it is hard. We might have harmed someone, but they hurt us first and most. In these demanding situations, forgiveness is more than a lubricant to achieve willingness; it is a necessary precondition.

I remember one difficult amend. With no reason or provocation, I had been harmed. I felt betrayed and hurt.

Angry, I said terrible things about the fellow; I gossiped.

I was already suffering an emotional hangover from the anger. Now I felt terrible about the gossip.

My sponsor said, “You have to amend the situation. And saying I’m sorry to the person will not be enough. This guy doesn’t even know you gossiped about him. You must return to the people who received your gossip and make it right with them.”

Wow, that was going to hurt. I would not look good. I said I was not willing.

I thought I would get a lecture on “going to any length.” Instead, my sponsor said, “To find the willingness, first forgive the harm he did to you; I suggest you follow the Emmet Fox forgiveness app instructions.”

I was not expecting that, but I tried it, and it worked.

I applied the Emmet Fox forgiveness app, saying, “I forgive him.”

I was still smarting from the hurt, so I didn’t believe my own words. But at least I said them, which opened the door of willingness. I became willing to make the amend.

That was only the first surprise. There was a second, larger, surprise: I was going to justify my gossip with a description of the harm I suffered. But when it came to having these tough conversations, I dropped this justification and stuck to my mistake, the gossip.

The amend was better.

I had done my part, and my heart was eased.

Since then, I have, time and again, experienced the practical and powerful impact of forgiving.

It is a lubricant, allowing me to become willing to make relationships right, and the quality of the amends improves.

It works; it really does.