Forgiving and Amplification

Overcoming Feedback, Noise, and Distortion in Your Amends Process

I told my sponsor about an amend that had gone badly, and he told me about a conversation with a sound engineer. I was puzzled but patient. I heard him out, and it made sense.

After I reported on my amend, he began, “A sound engineer specializing in amplifiers explained how communication channels become garbled. He explained the screech of feedback.

The microphone picks up the sounds from the speaker and recycles them through the amplifier. With a slight delay, the sounds come through the speaker again, then into the microphone and the amplifier. When this cycle is repeated, a feedback loop is created, and it becomes a screech.

“He talked about noise; noise develops when something interferes with the flow of electrons in a communications channel, like a short circuit or a surge in power. Then he turned to distortion; distortion occurs inside the amplification system when the circuits in the amplifier are not appropriately aligned. Instead of electrons flowing smoothly through the wiring, the signal is discombobulated, garbling the message.”

What did sound engineering have to do with amends I wondered? Then he connected the dots: “When you made your amend, you said something and he disagreed slightly; you heard this, amplified the feelings, said some more things, and he replied again; the cycle was repeated. You had created a feedback loop. It screeched.

“And there was some noise in your communication channel; you walked in with things on your mind, other harms that had been done to you. This affected your communication.

“Last, when you were talking, if your tone was anything like it is now, there was distortion in the signal you sent.

“So, you had feedback, noise and distortion. Your communication channels were all messed up.

“You will have to go back and start over. But this time, forgive him first.

“Forgiving cleans the communication channels.”

Following his direction, I forgave the person, then made a second amend.

He was right. Forgiving changed my attitude, I listened without creating a feedback loop; with no other harms on my mind, the signal-noise ratio was improved; my tone was different, my internal circuits were aligned, and there was no distortion.

The words I used to make the amend were the same, but there was no feedback, noise or distortion in the channel between us.

Nothing changed, but everything changed.

Forgiving cleans the communication circuits, and amends are more effective and meaningful.