Get off your butt

At our Home Group, you are assigned to a temporary sponsor if you say that you are looking for a sponsor.

Recently a newcomer, fresh from a recovery house, was assigned to a patient old-timer.

The sponsor first asked, “Do you have a Big Book?”

The newcomer assured his new sponsor, “Yes, we got a copy of the Big Book at the treatment center.”

“Great,” the sponsor replied, “ tomorrow morning, we will meet for coffee and discuss the Doctor’s opinion in the opening section of the Big Book. Read it tonight.”

At the appointed time, they met. The new guy had his Big Book under his arm, which was promising.

After a word of prayer, the sponsor said, “Let’s open our books to the Doctor’s opinion.”

As the young sponsee opened his book, the spine cracked. The unmistakable sound of a brand-new Big Book. An indication he had not read the assigned materials, the impression was confirmed when the sponsee said, “I got busy and did not read the materials … where is the Doctor’s Opinion?”

The sponsor had seen this movie before. With patient resignation, he directed the young pigeon to the Doctor’s Opinion, and they read it together, out loud. After the reading, they had an excellent conversation about the Doctor’s opinion. It was a good first meeting, particularly considering the failure of the sponsee to read the materials.

After closing with a prayer at the end of the session, they booked a second meeting and the old-timer assigned a second Big Book reading.

As they left the coffee shop, the sponsor said, “If you get busy again, and you don’t have time to read the materials, sit on your Big Book while watching TV or driving to work.

Seeing our newcomer’s puzzled look, our old-timer said, “for those who don’t have the time to read the materials, the lessons can be absorbed by sitting on the Big Book for extended periods.

“The process is called arse-mosis.

“It is like osmosis; only you absorb the wisdom through your butt.”

At the next AA meeting, the young pigeon shared that his sponsor was brilliant and had taught him an easier, softer way to learn the Program, arse-mosis.

But he cautioned, “it is easier but only softer if you don’t use a hard-covered edition.”