Measuring Progress: Focusing on Actions Over Feelings

“How are you feeling?” “How are you doing?”

Both questions, feeling and doing, are polite greetings, but they are different.

Asking “How are you doing?” is to ask for a more meaningful reply. Doing is more important than feeling.

Our feelings hide our doings. We often hear AAs complain that they have not progressed after 3 or 6 months of sobriety. They don’t feel changed. But talk to their families or fellow workers; they see the changes in behaviours. To them, the changes in doing, are apparent and dramatic.

On the other hand, we sometimes hear AAs say that they feel they have made great strides. Then we watch them impatiently honk their horns at a car that is not moving fast enough or at an AA business meeting rant over the brand of coffee purchased at the last supply run. They feel improved, but they are not doing improved.

There are other differences.

Feelings are fleetingly ethereal; we can dismiss them. But what we are doing is tangible and cannot be dismissed.

Feelings are subjective; doings are objective. My feelings are personal, but my doings are in the world.

Taking this on board, I will, in the future, strive to ask, “How are you doing?” and then pay attention to the answer and measure its correspondence to what I can see.

More importantly, turning this back onto me and my life, I will ask myself, “How am I doing?” and then pay attention to the answer and measure the correspondence to what I can see.