Never Pray on My Knees

We are to strive to improve our conscious contact with God. All improvements involve change; therefore, improving my conscious contact with God means changing my conscious contact with God.

In the early days of my spiritual journey, I bragged about communing with God throughout the day. With some pride, I said I did not need a particular time of the day to pray and meditate; I was praying and meditating all the time. I prayed when I drove, shopped, ate, and napped. Sometimes, it was conscious and sometimes unconscious. I believed I was walking hand in hand with God. I never prayed on my knees; God was my new best friend, and we did not need that formality.

At AA meetings, I shared how I intuitively knew the next right thing to do. Situations that used to baffle me were now clear as day. I was confident, often over the objections of those who were not spiritually grounded.

I was happy, joyous, and free, surveying the world from my lofty spiritual height.

But this did not last. I found myself in conflict. People shied away from me. I was not attractive. I was spiritually arrogant, and it showed.

At my sponsor’s suggestion, I set aside time for prayer and meditation in the morning, and he demanded I spend part of that time on my knees.

From my knees, I saw God was not my new best friend; he was my employer, father, and principal. I learned to ask for help, especially to be on guard lest I fall into the traps of self-centered and selfish thinking.

My sponsor had me review the day in the evening, and I often saw that I could have done better during the day.

I found myself helping others and listening. And when I listened, I learned. I became more uncertain about the next right thing and began living more thoughtfully. I learned to pause when things baffled me instead of charging ahead.

I would have said in those early days, “God is my best friend, and best friends don’t come on their knees; they are equals. And God and I are very close; we talk all the time. Sometimes it’s hard to tell us apart.”

But over time, I have learned to say, “I must work on my connection with God. I hope my will aligns with His, but I need His help. I am not conscious of Him all day, so I must set some time to turn to Him intentionally. I am the lower, He is the Higher.”

Things have changed in my spiritual life; I have changed. And my conscious contact with God, as I have understood Him, has also changed.