The Missing Self-problem
For many of us ‘self’ is a problem.
In AA we have many self-problems: In our Program there is a list of self-problems that we have to guard against. In the morning we ask that we be saved from self-pity. We ask to be relieved from self-bondage. We are warned not to be self-seeking. We know the consequences of self-centered thinking. And we learn about the dangers of self-will run riot.
But there is a self-problem missing, nowhere are we told to be concerned with self-satisfaction. And self-satisfaction, may be the most important self-problem we face.
Let me elaborate.
When the Big Book was written, resentment was the number one offender, but today complacency might be the number one offender. Everyday thousands of our AA brothers and sisters become complacent; they lose touch with the Program, our principles and fellowship; then lose touch with their sobriety.
And self-satisfaction, is the core of complacency. Complacency is defined as, “self-satisfaction associated with unawareness of danger or harm.”
For years I thought complacency was indifference, but after reading Mr. Webster’s definition of complacency, and comparing it to his definition of apathy, I am thinking again. Apathy means indifference: As noted above, complacency means self-satisfaction coupled with an unawareness of danger or harm.
Mr. Webster’s definition agrees with my experience and observation. Complacency starts with “I’ve got this under control.” The first-person pronoun, I have begins this dangerous thought creating a feeling of self-satisfaction, which is the first part of complacency.
This is combined with a lack of awareness of the lurking danger, the danger of our cunning, baffling, powerful enemy, alcoholism; a lack of awareness which flows from the positives of sobriety: Newly sober, things calm down, life gets better, creditors stop screaming, employers stop threatening, and the home front has returned to a state of normalcy. All around us comes praise for being sober. Building on this growing sense of self-satisfaction we reassess and recalibrate.
Sometimes the recalibration is, “perhaps I overestimated the problem; maybe I can try drinking again.” Or another common recalibration is, “I thought I needed God’s help, but it looks like I am doing alright on my own.”
These recalibrations are not usually shared with the Group or a sponsor, such is the self-satisfied confidence of the young AA. They are often followed with an experiment with drinking which is succeeded by a wreck.
And so complacency — self-satisfaction combined with loss of awareness of the danger — claims another alcoholic.
Self-satisfaction is the first step to complacency.
Self-pity, self-will, self-centeredness and self-bondage, the usual self-problems, are all dangerous, but perhaps self-satisfaction, the missing self-problem, is the most dangerous of all.
