This misstep matters: Getting amends right
Step 9 is the only Step I can do wrong. All the other steps can be done incorrectly, inadequately and improperly, but only Step 9 can be done wrong.
Let’s consider each Step.
Steps One, Two, and Three can be done badly, but the results are not wrong. Step One — even a somewhat insincere admission of powerlessness can be a good start. Step Two — a reluctant acknowledgment that I am not God can initiate a life-changing process. Even if practiced only in desperation, Step Three will still lead to a positive change.
Step Four, my first inventories were terrible but adequate for the time. Step Five, the monk fell asleep, but I felt some relief. As poor as these efforts were, the results were not wrong.
Steps Six and Seven. Finally identifying some character defects, I thought, “Okay, God, I have done my part; it’s your turn,” and promptly forgot about them, but the recognition of the defects meant I saw them and made changes when they recurred. My first attempts at defect identification and removal were inadequate, but they were not wrong.
Step Eight. I made a list of obvious amends and considered becoming willing. With this pitiful attempt, I had at least made a list. Inadequate, yes, but not wrong.
For Step Ten I apologized when I had to; Step Eleven, I meditated for almost two minutes one morning and prayed when I was in deep sh*t; Step Twelve, I made AA coffee at least once. However, these poor attempts at integrating the program into my life eventually yielded promising results; all were done half-heartedly, but not wrongly.
But Step Nine was different; this I could do wrong.
Apologies like, “I am sorry I became angry over your stupidity,” or, “I am sorry, but please understand, I lashed out because you made me angry.” And I recall a disastrous amend with an old girlfriend. With these amends, amends for the amends were required. They were done wrongly. There were only negative outcomes.
The other eleven Steps advanced my spiritual program; they could be done incorrectly, inadequately, and improperly, but not wrongly.
Fortunately, Step Nine is the only Step I can do wrongly.
