Victim to Asshole in Four Easy Columns

Years ago, a friend showed me the difference between a change and an unveiling. It was a humorous story and is the theme of this week’s blog. I hope you enjoy it, and if you enjoyed this, the books GEMS and More GEMS are similar short essays and stories, each with a lesson to engender spiritual thought.

The meeting had started, and the topic for the meeting was our famous Step Four inventory process.

The first fellow started his share, “Years ago, I was talking with a friend. We had a mutual acquaintance who had been elected to a political office and immediately demonstrated great political skills. A dangerous controversy exploded shortly after he was elected, and by ducking and weaving, he emerged unscathed. I was impressed; I said, “his change from average citizen to skilled politician was swift.”

“My friend said, “Andy, there is a difference between a change and an unveiling; I think we have seen an unveiling, not a change. Changes take time; this was too fast. Underneath his normal exterior lurked a politician, and when the shroud was removed, there he was a politician.”

Our AA brother continued his share, “Step Four took a long time to get going, but once I did it, the change in my perception of myself was fast; it was an unveiling, not a change.

“I started my Step Four following the Big Book four-column method. With four columns in a notebook, I listed the names of people, institutions and principles that burned me up and made me angry. That felt good. I liked listing things that made me angry; I enjoyed the resentments all over again. The second column was the facts of why I was angry and burned up; I was reminded of why I was the victim, which made me feel better. Third, I outlined how those names and facts made me feel, and while doing this, I savoured the self-pity of my victimhood.

“Then, the fourth column — describing my part or role in what had happened and how I felt. The fourth column was the game changer. In an instant, I changed how I perceived myself; I saw a new me. I saw I was responsible for my victimhood; I noticed I was not the victim; I was often the asshole.

“I went from victim to asshole in four easy columns.

“In a flash, decades of wallowing in my myth of self-pitying victimhood were gone, and my character stood unveiled; the shroud had been removed. And my true nature was instantly revealed.

“The structure and discipline of Step Four is the unveiling. And with this, we are ready for the long-term process of character change.”

And with that, he wrapped up, “Thanks, I pass.”

As I drove home from the meeting and reflected on the share, I chuckled, remembering, “victim to asshole in four easy columns.” How true.

Our inventory process is fast.

When we finally start the work.